Ottawa Sun
Published: Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Questionable start: Poor 'greenie' is getting a rough ride before his job even begins

If anyone is looking for a mascot for the 2010 city budget discussions now underway, I nominate the green bin, (a.k.a.: Source separated organics plastic box thingy).

Yes, I know the green bin can’t cheer for higher taxes, entertain like Spartacat or sign autographs for the kids, but let’s face it, the green bin sure can attract attention and ridicule. Even the councillors who spawned “greenie” are now relegating him (or her) back to the consolidated tax bill as opposed to his/her earlier star status as a detested user fee.

Sadly, those folks who already compost will now pay for something they already do. And there are still others who will read the instructions “spray your bin with PAM, line it with newspapers, etc.” and then look at the list of allowable materials above and beyond food scraps, like used cotton balls, snotty napkins, dryer lint, fireplace ash and clumpy cat litter and wonder if this stuff will ever be spread over the vegetables that eventually wind up on their dinner plates?

Suffice it to say, the green bin program is off to a questionable and quizzical start, and alas, it is the ideal mascot for the disquieting 2010 budget process. But in the midst of this civic debate bordering on despair, Ottawans have creatively responded with alternate uses for their green bins, given recent postings to my website and Facebook page.

Blair from Orleans plans to return his green bin to his councillor’s driveway in the middle of the night, just as it arrived at his house two months ago. I call this the Siemens manoeuvre, for those of you who remember the light-rail, late-night, city hall antics from a few years back.

A colleague will use his green bin as an oversized Diaper Genie.

Meanwhile, my neighbour says his bin loaded with ice will make the perfect portable summer beer cooler given its wheeled base. And my friend JP has already mashed apples in his green bin, now fermenting to make a great moonshine.

Mike in Ottawa thinks filling the bin with rich soil and raising earthworms for sale is an innovative use; it is eco-friendly, not to mention entrepreneurial. William from Galt suggests rigging one to spread driveway salt. And several folks came up with storage uses for the likes of wrapping paper, shoes and dog/cat food.

On the more frustrated side of the equation, several citizens whose identities will be protected voiced some anti-council rage.

One suggested sending the mayor and council over Niagara Falls and volunteered his entire street’s bins for this “worthy” cause. Another person noted the green bin would make a great wall bumper at the front of her garage with a special frame for a councillor’s picture, to be changed weekly.

Finally, it was suggested the bins could be used to recycle broken political promises — but that each household might need more than one bin! Interesting to note that no one suggested recycling any members of council.

But in all seriousness, to learn more about the program, head to greenbinottawa.ca. You might even need to book a vacation day to learn about the intricacies of the green bin program. Or just grab the instruction fliers in your bin to read while you wait in line for your H1N1 shot.